Garden

Sunday 26 February 2012

Autumn in my heart

Nampaknya musim bunga aku dah tamat. Takda lagi haruman bunga dari taman atau indahnya bunga yang sedang mekar. Tak sangka cepat plak musim luruh ni datang.
Benar lah kata pepatah..habis madu sepah dibuang. Allah tu maha kuasa..setiap ujian yang diturunkan tu akan ada hikmah dikemudian hari.
Allah hadirkan dia dalam hidup ni untuk mengajar aku tentang sesuatu. Alhamdulillah ada juga input yang aku dapat dari dia walaupun pengakhirannya tidak lah seperti yang aku impikan. Pasti akan ada hikmah. Syukur ya Allah hati ini masih milik mu.

Suatu masa dulu, hampir setiap hari dia hadir menemani, menjadi penasihat, dan penghibur. Sewaktu jarak memisahkan kita, aku percaya persahabatan itu ikhlas. Tapi saat Allah mendekatkan jarak itu, keihklasan tu semakin pudar aku rasa. Suatu masa dulu, kepercayaan aku pada lelaki sangatlah goyah namun persahabatan yang kau hulur membuat aku rasa masih ada lelaki yang ikhlas. Tapi ternyata kau bukan lelaki itu kan. Inilah kehidupan... sentiasa ada kejutan. InsyaAllah akan ada yang lebih tulus dan ikhlas in future..
Lesson learned~


It’s amazing how at one point in our lives we will be extremely close with someone and then later they will become a complete stranger. 
You will pass by them without a word. 
Without a single acknowledging look. 
This person, who once knew you so well, 
who once knew your fears, your desires, your dreams, your past, 
is now walking right past you, seeing right through you

Saturday 25 February 2012

Saya kembali!

Waaa...lamanye tak menulis. almost 2month dah. Banyak sangat benda dah jadi in this 2months.
1st, aku dah hbs study...alhamdulillah!! finally...huh..
2nd, dari voice communication dah sampai face to face.. apekah?? hahahha...
3rd, job hunting yg memenatkan..huh
4th, my mom fly again..
banyak kan.. tu summary of event.

Officially on 1st Feb 2012, i've completed my degree. Result xde lah gempaq mane pun. Tapi bersyukur dah tamat. Waiting to do the clearance and convo. Currently sgt bz apply keje. so far dah pergi 3 interview. tapi belum rezeki lagi...so jd full time bibik kat rumah. xbest!!!
About my mom, she is currently in Oman. br je pergi on monday (20th feb). Nampak gaya mcm xde rezeki nk braya sama thn ni.. adoiiii...apelah nasib. kesian mak..

Mood aku skrng ni tgh swing je.. but is getting better day by day. Alhamdulillah Allah bg kekuatan utk aku go through dugaan ni. Life without challenges is dull. So take it as a process of maturity. InsyaAllah try to think positive. Luckily that my life is now busy with house chores so i can divert my attention to smthng else.

Ok..tu je utk 'come back' post!  gudnite~

Monday 9 January 2012

No pain no gain...

God gives you answers in three ways: 

He says yes and gives you what you want, 
He says no and gives you something better, 
or He says wait and gives you the best.

Tak semua orang dapat mengecapi impian diorang kan. Kita selalu nak yang terbaik untuk kita. Tak kira lah dalam pelajaran ke pekerjaan atau pun dalam soal hati. Tapi kita tahu ke apa yang kita nak tu memang terbaik untuk kita? Kadang-kadang kita tolak sesuatu tu sebab kita tak suka atau pun kita kata, “not my taste” sedangkan itulah yang terbaik untuk kita.
Bila kita ditimpa kesusahan, kita selalu bersedih. Tapi kita lupa yang setiap musibah yang Allah bagi tu pasti akan ada hikmah untuk diri kita. Cuma cepat atau pun lambat je kita nampak hikmah tu. Saya selalu berpesan pada diri kalau tengah ditimpa musibah atau pun bersedih.. “Allah tak akan uji aku melebihi kemampuan aku, InsyaAllah aku kuat!” walaupun sebenarnya dada ni rasa sesak, fikiran serabut dan air mata tanpa segan silu mengalir. Tapi percayalah, lepas dah berjaya harungi musibah tu, kita akan rasa lebih tabah untuk berhadapan dengan dugaan seterusnya. Cuma keputusan untuk ‘move forward’ tu ada pada kita sendiri, nak atau tak nak je. Nampak mudah kan bila orang kata, “you have to move forward, lupakan apa yang berlaku tu and bina balik keyakinan.” It is not as easy as it sounds. Tapi bila berjaya, it will be your biggest self-achievement. Kekuatan itu lah yang sedang saya cari. Tak pernah sangka akan jatuh buat kali kedua disebabkan perkara yang sama tapi saya yakin, saya akan bangkit kembali.
Allah hadirkan seseorang dalam hidup kita dengan sebab yang tersendiri. Mungkin kehadirannya hanya untuk mendekatkan kita kepada-NYA dan selepas kita dah berada di landasan yang betul maka Allah akan mengambilnya kembali dan hadirkan pula orang lain untuk terus mengajar kita. Agree?? So, setiap kali kita rasa kecewa dengan seseorang, cakap pada diri kita.. “Allah hadirkan awak dalam hidup saya untuk mengajar saya sesuatu. Mungkin dah ditakdirkan teaching method awak akan menyakitkan saya tapi kesakitan itu yang akan menjadikan saya lebih baik in future.” Ini lah yang dipanggil positive talk.
Sentiasalah senyum dan menyenangkan hati orang disekeliling kita walaupun diri kita sendiri sedang diuji kerana dengan cara itu secara tak langsung kita akan rasa lebih bahagia. Bila rasa ingin menangis, pergilah kepada-NYA kerana Allah lebih mengerti.

Renungan bersama:
Jika kamu memancing ikan...
Setelah ikan itu terlekat di mata kail,
hendaklah kamu mengambil ikan itu...
Janganlah sesekali kamu LEPASKAN ia
semula ke dalam air begitu saja...
Karena ia akan SAKIT oleh kerana bisanya,
ketajaman mata kailmu dan mungkin ia akan MENDERITA selagi ia masih hidup.
Jika kamu menadah air biarlah berpada,
jangan terlalu mengharap pada takungannya dan janganlah menganggap ia
begitu teguh... cukuplah sekadar keperluanmu...
Apabila sekali ia retak... tentu sukar untuk kamu menambalnya semula...
Akhirnya ia dibuang...

Wednesday 4 January 2012

Exam ohhh exam...


Sape suka exam??? angkat tangan! 
saya tak suka exam time.. serius bosan and stressed. 
Menghadap buku, menghadap laptop... pastu dari 2jam study, 1/2 jam berangan... 
sem ni final dah..insyaAllah. last exam! 1st paper tahun lepas..hehehe...dah lama kan! 29th dec. next paper 7jan. gap mmg lama sangat tapi....start 7 tu mmg double merana lah. 5 more paper to go..n dekat2 smua. last paper 14th jan.. 
sepanjang exam ni, susah sangat nak dengar aku bercakap. almaklumlah class dah habis.. dalam bilik pun mmg jarang bersembang..just bila perlu. pastu kalo ada qayah baru rancak... nak tau bila aku akan bersuara?? bila ada incoming call, bila layan running man mmg ketawa saje.. or bila dengar radio. 
Sebenarnya saya sangatlah tengah kebosanan... owhhhh...exam! saya tak suka kamu tau.
this few days mood saya mcm ombak kat lautan yang kejap tenang kejap mengganas. y??? adoiii hati..silalah tenang! agar mudah saya nak belajar.. nak luahkan??? ermmm...i think i can still go through. InsyaAllah masih mampu.. kena mengajar diri agar tak terlalu depends on org lain even org tu adalah bestfriend kita. y? becouse today he/she is your bestfriend, still by your side.. but how long he/she gonna be with you? 


Kenapa post kali ni very the merapu?? because hmmm..i dont know! but still have moral of the story..
1. exam=bored +stress
2. try as hard as you can to go through every problem you have
3. dont simply rely on someone
4. prepare ourselves to be left by someone close to us

Saturday 31 December 2011

2011 last entry!

an hour before the end of 2011... 
lets refresh what had happened for the past 12 months of 2011. Manis ke?? pahit ke??
kt tengok yg pahit dulu lah kan..so boleh buat closing dgn yg manis =)


Pengalaman pahit sepanjang 2011.. 

  • a very bad starting with my mentor in UOB, suffered for 2 months!
  • Start my new sem without my besties, stress me out! Trying to adjust by being alone..sangat tak best.
  • Sept-Broken heart..uhhh… almost recover! hahah...sengal kan..
  • Mom’s going away, again! 


Pengalaman manis sepanjang 2011...
  • April-I got chance working in UOB, meet new friends, learn a lot of new thing, being independent and have my own salary
  • My effort been recognize by HOD and senior, MA good experience
  • May-Mom’s came back for good...supposedly!
  • I got my new hp..SE Vivaz Pro as my birthday gift from mom
  • May-I score my 2nd sem results..happy!
  • Dec- Ika score 8A in PMR…yeaaaahh!! Finally…


okeylah..not really bad lah kan 2011. 
Azam 2011 pun ada lagi yg tak tercapai.. should bring forward to 2012 lah nampaknya.
what will happen next year?? worried..
but.. the fact we dont know about the future is a blessing right? tawakkal 'alallah.

Tuesday 27 December 2011

My white crayon...

Writing and drawing on a white paper using a white crayon..
Wishing that someone will notice it but sadly it was a waste of time. 
Ignore the reality and keep on holding the white crayon.. 
at the same time waiting for color crayon to cheer the world even though knowing that keep holding on will make it far away from reaching the color crayon. 
Indeed, move on will be the best option to transform the invisible arts into attractive arts.
Why keep the pain if it will live you scars? 
Why waste the tears if it devastated you? 
Why pretend cool when you’re actually broken into pieces inside?

Its because… the white paper will someday turn into colorful drawing. 
It just the matter of time.. 
that day, I’ll sure be thankful to my white crayon because it does not ruin my white paper.
Waiting for the colorful moment to appear…
colofrul life...


Wednesday 21 December 2011

The most stressful subject this semester!


Can u see the angry cat above???? That is how angry i am now! 
U know what happened today?? let me share and i really need to spill this out now!

For this semester, i have 1subject that really demotivate me. Actually it is a very interesting subject but the instructor of that subject is really annoyed me. Since the 1st week of class, I could feel that this lady is weird in the way she delivers her lecture. My instinct is somehow true! I’m having problems with my assignment with her since the very first step. We could not really understand what she wants from us. In every class she will keep on nagging about the same thing regards to our assignment. I heard almost the same comment from the rest of my classmates.
The most pathetic things that happen is this week. We already submit our asgmnt 17hours before the due time. But our group’s paper are the last one been analyzed. How come??
I have resent the paper for 3 times. Why? She keep on saying that she cant open the file even though the rest of the people I cc in the email can open it.
Last Monday I asked her in class whether she already receive it or not and she replied, “Yes, I did. Thank you. I will give feedback ASAP” OK! But it doesn’t turn out that way. I read a comment on fb from her today that our paper has exceeded the max page no. OMG! I’m so terrified! So, I open the sent item and check on it but it is actually within the requirement. Now I’m angry! Really am! Did she count the appendix as well?? How can that be! In class, I asked her about that and she said, “oh really, ok I’ll check.” Which also mean that she didn’t really go through our papers. Maybe she could feel my emotional state that time and she come to me personally and say, “don’t worry. I’ll have a look on that. Do you prepared for presentation?” arghh!!! Of coz we are! From the 1st day of presentation! And 30 minutes ago I receive private msg in my fb from her said about the same thing on the page number. And again I have to re-explain on it then only she realized but she put the blame on me as I didn’t insert the page number. Huhhhh…. Pathetic!

Now, I’m waiting for her comments so we can edit our asgmnt before resubmit it on Friday. Whay this thing happen during my final semester? Im worried about this paper. So much! I feel like I wanna cry now but I already use my tears yesterday.. hahaha… no more balance for today!